My Tiger Lily
by Avenli Rayne
Summary: We all know that Lily didn’t always like James. In this story, James tells his side of the story reflecting on his experiences with Lily over the years. He tells how she always hated him, and when he first discovered he liked her. He also explains when


My Tiger Lily 

By Avenli Rayne

Disclaimer: If I were JK Rowling, I'd be living in England with more money than the Queen!

I'm not even going to pretend that I own anything that sounds remotely familiar in any way, shape, or form!

Most people who know Lily Evans would describe her as popular, smart, prim, proper, shy at times, and an overall perfect student and roll model. Not many people knew the side of Lily that I did. For you see, no one annoyed Lily as much as I did. I seemed to bring out a fierceness in her that some would never believed existed. I don't actually know what I did to constantly annoy her, but she sure hated me.

The name Tiger Lily came about in our third year. Lily had just finished one of her long rants about how annoying and immature I was, and I'd never seen her that passionate about yelling at me. Well, being the annoying 13-year-old prat that I was, I decided that Lily would make a much better tiger than a girl, with her fierce demeanor. Well, being inexperienced in the art of human transfiguration, I was only able to give her a tiger's tail. If she wasn't mad before, she certainly was now. I'd never had that a yelling to that bad in all my 13 years of life. Normally most guys would be scared off, but for some reason I can't quite explain, I was more drawn towards her than I'd ever been. The way her green eyes flashed and her fiery red hair moved I knew that there was something special about her.

After this, I took a point in teasing Lily. Yes, I know it was immature. But what can I say? I'm a guy. I myself didn't quite know that I liked her, but I knew that I wanted to be around her, and the only way I could think to do that was to tease her and pull pranks, my expertise. Sadly, this did not win my fair Lily's heart.

During my fourth year I finally figured out why Lily made me feel so self conscious and funny - I liked her. I spent the entire year debating whether or not to ask her out. At the end of the year I finally got up the nerve, and was turned down spectacularly. I never saw it coming. I mean, I'm James Potter! Who wouldn't want to go out with me? I'm an excellent student (well, my grade are good), I'm a superb chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and I'm devastatingly handsome. I didn't understand how she could say no. I was in shock for the next two weeks. I had been turned down by a girl; I had been refused! Asking Lily out became almost a game to me after that; a game that I was determined to win at, because I had never yet failed. Little did I know that it would become so much more than a game.

I especially remember a time near the end of our fifth year. We had just finished an O.W.L exam and my friends and I decided to lounge down by the lake, and show off for the girls. Well, Snape and I got into a bit of a tiff, and then my Tiger comes swooping down on us. She tried defending him, but then he was so mean to her! I couldn't believe it! If I hadn't hated Snape before, then I certainly did now. How dare he insult her? Especially when she had just defended him! I made the mistake of asking her out again. I still remember her exact words: "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." Even if I didn't show it, those words hurt more than she could ever know. There was just something about her. If any other person had said some of those things to me, I would have hexed them to Siberia, but not my Tiger. She was the only person that I would change for. I wanted to go out with her and be with her and in order to do so, I would have to change.

At the end of my sixth year I knew that my time was running out. I'd tried acting differently all year, but it was never enough for her to notice. On the night of the End of Term Feast, I cornered her in the common room and asked her why she hated me so much.

"You really want to know why I hate you, Potter?" I nodded sheepishly. "I wouldn't hate you if you weren't so dang arrogant! If you didn't ask me out every chance you got! If you stopped hexing everyone and anyone for the fun of it, and yes that includes Snape! Stop starring at me constantly! It's creepy! Stop showing off your quidditch skills every chance you get. Take life Seriously, for once! Stop ruffling your hair to make it look like you just got off your stinkin' broom stick! Stop smarting off in class! Stop breaking school rules! Stop proclaiming your 'undying love' for me! Stop teasing the first years! Stop pulling pranks! Deflate your large head! Find a new hobby besides me! And don't call me Tiger Lily!"

I stood there silently while she yelled at me. Her green eyes flashed the way I love so much, and her flaming red curls bounced all over. She was beautiful even when she was screaming. When she was finished she stood there, breathing heavily. I nodded my head and walked away.

On the train ride home the next morning, Sirius and I made a list of everything I'd have to do to get Lily to like me.

Stop being so arrogant. "Hey, I just know I'm good. Wait, I'm being arrogant again."

Stop asking her out every chance I get. "What? And let other guys have her?"

Stop hexing everyone for the fun of it, and yes, this includes Snape. "Hey, he hexes me too!"

Stop starring at her constantly. "What else is as pretty to look at?"

Stop showing off my quidditch skills every chance I get. "Who else is going to show the world how it's done? There goes the arrogance again."

Take life Seriously. "Does she actually want me to act like Sirius? I don't think that's it."

Stop ruffling my hair to make it look like I just got off my broom. "I don't ruffle my hair! Okay, maybe I do, but it's a habit!"

Stop smarting off in class. "Hey, if I know the answer . . . "

Stop breaking school rules. "I don't break all of the rules . . ."

Stop proclaiming my 'undying love' for her. "Undying is a good way to describe it."

Stop teasing the first years. "Tease first years? Me?"

Stop pulling pranks. "And get rid of the essence of me? I have proudly acquired an entire drawer to myself in Filch's office."

Deflate my large head. "My head looks quite fine to me."

Find a new hobby besides her. "Who said she was my hobby?"

And last but not least, don't call her Tiger Lily. "Oh, but how it fits!"

I stood and looked at this very long list. It was a lot to accomplish. Granted, she did have some very valid points, but not all. I decided to consult Remus on this one. Do you want to know his advice? "Give up." Give up? Give up? This was the girl of my dreams! The girl that I'd been in love with since third year! I wasn't going to give up like any other guy would have. Remus, the normally sensible one, had failed me.

Over that summer I got an extraordinary surprise with my Hogwarts letter – I had been made Head Boy. Head By! Me! Seriously, I think that Dumbledore was smoking something when he made the decision. Both of my parents and Sirius fainted when they heard the news. I knew that Lily had to be Head Girl, and if my own parents fainted, I was afraid that the shock would kill Lily. So, I decided to have Remus deliver the news.

I didn't see Moony until the start of term, so I didn't know how Lily had taken it. I first saw her in the Head's compartment where we met with the prefects. Lily looked at me coldly as I entered the room. I think that she hoped that Remus was joking. I offered a hello, sat quietly, and then a goodbye at the end. I then left Lily to her thoughts. I believe that she was just as shocked as I was that I hadn't asked her out.

Seventh year is supposed to be your best year at Hogwarts. It wasn't looking that way for me. I had barely said a word to Lily all year. I talked little to her at prefect meetings, but other than that, I avoided her like the plague. I didn't ask her out, hex anyone in front of her (I got Snape when he was alone), annoy anyone in class, tease the first years, or speak to her at all outside of the meetings. My friends weren't the only ones to notice the change. You see, I had been working on this list all summer, and I wasn't going to fail. I still participated in pranks, but not when Lily could see. I still enjoyed being with my friends, but it just wasn't the same. They, on many occasions, asked what was wrong with me. I shrugged my shoulders every time, and they eventually named it Lilyitus.

The hardest thing to accomplish was stopping my 'Lily watching' in class. For the past five years my gaze was drawn to her, and it was a hard habit to break. In order not to look at her, I had to pick something else to concentrate on. A painting, someone's head (wow, they've got a lot of dandruff today), or the hole in the wall would be my starring center for the day. My friends often said that I'd develop a glazed look as I starred off into apparent nothingness.

I believed that the entire year would pass away in this fashion, until one December night. Lily and I were doing our nightly patrol, only, I could tell that something was definitely wrong. She'd been a lot quieter this year, but then again, so had I. I kept stealing little glances at her, surprised to see an immense sadness in her eyes. Finally I asked, "Something wrong, Evans?"

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm fine," she replied, trying to keep the emotions out of her voice, but failing grandly.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Evans, don't lie. There's something wrong. What is it?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, her voice trembling.

"Lily," I said stopping and turning to face her, "you need to talk about it. You can't just keep it all inside. You're bound to explode sometime!" I saw a faint hint of a smile on her lips, but she just shook her head and looked at the ground.

I went and sat on a nearby bench and motioned for her to come and sit by me. She did so wearily, with an almost scared look in her eyes.

"Now Evans, I know something's wrong, and it's doing you no good not talking about it, so you might as well just spit it out."

Lily still starred at the floor, avoiding my eyes. When she finally spoke, I was shocked. "Do you hate me, James?" she asked, still not looking at me.

My jaw dropped to the floor. Hate her? Hate Lily? Where in the world did she get that idea? And did she just call me James? "Of course I don't hate you, Lily! Why in the world would you think that?" I asked her with shock written all over my face.

Lily was once again silent for a few moments before she answered, her voice trembling more than ever. "It's just, at the end of last year I was SO incredibly mean to you. I was horrid! I thought you'd hate me for sure after that. And then over the summer you had Remus tell me you were Head Boy. I figured you wanted to avoid me. When the term started, I knew I was right. You haven't talked to me this whole year. You haven't talked as much anywhere. You're really quiet all the time, and you don't joke as much as you once did. Life's not nearly as interesting without your pranks. And," she paused. She looked up at me slowly, her eyes brimming with tears. "You haven't asked me out once, or called me Tiger Lily. I thought that I'd love it when you got over me, but I was wrong. I was wrong, James. I miss it, and I miss you, James. I'm so sorry for being such an incredible jerk. Please forgive me," she said as the tears finally spilled over her face.

I was speechless. Lily missed me? And how many times had she just called me James? And she missed her nickname and me! My heart was jumping for joy, and my stomach felt like 100 snitches were flying around inside.

"Of course I'll forgive you, Lily. I already had," I whispered. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I was just trying to do what you wanted me to."

Lily looked stunned. "You liked me that much?" she whispered hoarsely.

"More than like. I love you, Lily."

Lily looked up at me with a light in her eyes that I'd never seen before. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. If I thought that was wonderful, what happened next was even better. "I love you too, James. I love you so much!" she cried softly as I took her into my arms and hugged her tightly, her shoulders trembling. It was amazing how right it felt, just sitting there with my arms around her. I'd never felt so happy in my entire life. Lily Evans loved me!

I pulled back gently and looked into her deep emerald eyes. "I'll always love you, my Tiger Lily," I said softly as I bent down and kissed the girl I'd loved for so long.

Avenli Rayne

Direct quote from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, American version, P. 647.


End file.
